Job Promotions!

Recently I ran into a dilemma. I wanted more money at my current job. Not out of greed, but damn, I do a lot of work. So maybe that's out of greed...I'm not too certain. But still. The dilemma: when/how do you ask for a raise.

As a successful or semi/trying to be-successful woman, I didnt' want to over step my boundaries and ruin my chances of climbing the corporate ladder. I mean, who wants to get shot down and feel like an ass, and then have to deal with that awkward, oh hey, kind of phase with your coworkers/boss.

I dont.

So!

What's a good way to approach this situation?
And of course, depending on where you work and what kind of job you have, the situation will differ.

I think in order to ask for a promotion, you have to deserve one. Being at a job for a month or two and doing semi-alright kind of work, will not count. You don't derserve anything then. BUT! If you've been at your place of employment for I'd say, more than 3 or 4 months, and have a pretty good feel for the place...that's a start. I also think, that you have to had shown really awesome work ethics. Like coming in on your days off and working extra hours. And I think a little butt kissing is okay too. You really have to be on good terms with your upper management, otherwise any of kind of promotion is definitely not going to happen. Now Im not saying you should kiss management's ass and do whatever they say, but you have to be willing to work with them and show leadership skills at the same time.

On a side note. If you're one of those girls who tends to start drama in the workplace, I think you can kiss any kind of promotion in the ass. Because most management doesnt like a bitchy little girl. Just saying =] 

So once you feel that you've been doing a pretty rockin' job, at your job, then it's time to ask for that promotion you've wanting!

So, here's what I would do next: Go to upper management, or your supervisor, and ask them what requirements are needed to be promoted. Honestly. You won't come off as being pushy or anything of the sort. By asking what you need to do, they're going to know that you're interested in a promotion and more responsibility. Which will look good on your behalf.

But that way you know what you need to do to excel. Whether it may be, increasing your numbers or doing a little more here or there.

After you're doing hardwork and excelling, going a little above and beyond, then it's time to ask for that promotion! And make sure you're confident and ready to accept it when your approach management about it. Be prepared to take on the extra responsibility that will come with it. Because by getting that raise, comes a more work. Remember that. 

Don't be afraid to take risks and ask for more money! I mean, what's the worst that could happen??

You'll get fired. (then you can collect unemployment like the 11% or more of the population)

Good Luck!

xoxoxxx,
L

Forgiveness

We all make mistakes.


We all take things too personal. Too Far.

We all deserve second chances.


And we all deserve the good things in life. 


Like great friends and amazing memories.


Vixens are there for each other until the very end. 


No matter what. 


So if you're holding grudges or malice towards someone.


Let it go. 


Life is too short, and we will all die some day.


I'd rather be happy and have forgiveness for my mistakes and those of others, then be unhappy and get upset about every little thing that happens in life.


I'm sorry. I'm human, and you're human.


We all are. 


We're all vixens at heart.


And that's what I love about you.


xoxoxo, 


L

We're Better @ It.

WE HAVEN'T WROTE IN MONTHS.
OMG.
We Fail.

Whatever.

So, I know it's lame, but in real life I can't seem to meet boys.
So I rely on the genius that is OK Cupid. I can browse a profile, chat, send email, and all that good stuff to see if I really even like someone. Usually after a while I will meet someone, then we'll add each other on Facebook and Chat on there, or sometimes MSN. Sometimes if I meet someone cool, I will give them my number so we can text.
Well, I did meet a kinda cool guy, and we talked a little, but then I got a bit depressed and didn't talk to anyone but I did notice that on Facebook, his relationship status changed, and then about a week later, we started talking more, I didn't say anything about him having a girlfriend, but then when I realized I might like him, I asked if he was single.

He said he was. But then I realized, I could like this guy and date him. I looked at his facebook. There was a picture of him. And a girl. I mean, I have pics of me and boys. But the banter between him and friends in the comments seemed to indicate that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. And then by looking at her profile, it was confirmed.

I confronted him about it. And ask if He's Sure He's Single. He said Yea.
Then he asked why. And I told him what I found. And he said "I hope we can still be friends."

I just don't get it.
Why Lie?
Why tell me that you want to have a romantic relationship with me?
Does this girl know? I kind of want to tell her to keep a tighter leash on her boyfriend.
I don't have a problem with being part of his rotating posse of women, but what's the use in telling me you like me, if in the end you don't?

Let's be honest. I have like multiple boys. I don't date any of them. I don't lead them on. I don't post pictures on Facebook for them to see. A girl is better at covering her tracks, and a girl is better at finding these things out.

It makes me happy to know, that this girl will find some track he didn't cover, and dump him.

xoK

making waffles

A few weeks ago, while browsing craigslist, I found an ad for a normal sounding dude living in the dells who wanted someone to hang out with.
I figured, well what the hey! Why not! He didn't say anything about just looking for a no strings attached friends sort of deal, and a picture of his penis wasn't included, so it seemed pretty legit.
Well, I messaged him, and didn't hear anything back for a bit, but it didn't really surprise me, but then I did. and he seemed cool. And after a little bit he told me to text him cuz it would just be easier.
Well, he seemed like a nice guy. and then while we where texting he asked me something facebook couldn't tell him about me, so I mentioned that I really liked turtles, and OMG. HE HAS 2 PET TURTLES.
Well, He's pretty smart too. This is how I know:

1. I told him to come to Vintage, and he did.
2. He talked to everyone.
3. He didn't fall off the step when he left, (sure sign a guys no good).
4. He was like the coolest guy ever.
5. He thinks my Bear drawing is funny.
6. He graduated college!
7. He has pet turtles.

After he left, he asked me if I would come watch a movie at his house. And this seemed ok. (I am pretty sure that "watch a movie" is guy code for something else though) And then he asked me if I was going to get on the bed so we could make out or what.
Well, you don't have to ask me twice! I know, I told Lacey upon leaving that I had no intention of finding out what his penis looks like, but well, I did find out. And I know he said he didn't want to move fast, but we went from meeting to making out to naked in a matter of hours. But, Seriously! He's a total babe!
It's so weird, he's so nice! I never knew that fooling around could last more than 6 minutes, that not all boys taste like cigarettes, that afterward someone would cuddle and not hand me clothes back and go outside to smoke a cigarette, that taking a shower in the worlds smallest shower stall would be fun, or that it's ok to say what I want and what I don't like.
And the best thing is, everyone at Vintage likes him. Cortney told me not to fuck this up. Lacey told me not to break his heart,( let's get this straight, i don't break hearts, I just am to nice to boys that just aren't right!)
So we made waffles, on the second day (I know, I'm an easy slut. Whatever). I can say it was good-ish. I think I'll be a bit more relaxed if I've had a drink or two. I mean this time it was legit first time (I would tell you why but then you'd get grossed out.) So, basically, I'm pretty dang happy on cloud nine right now. I want to flaunt my bite marks to the loser who ditched me, and take him to the resturat the bitch works at and show him off. Call me crazy, but it's good to know that super awesome dudes are out there. cuz, he is most likely the coolest one I've met!

xo-K

Losing It

I am not shy about the fact that I have never had sex.
And when I imagined having it, it was with someone I liked, in a memorable way.
But, that's not how it happened at all.
On Saturday night, I went to go watch a movie with a boy, at his house.
Halfway through the movie, I decided I didn't really like him.
He kept trying to hold my hand, and that, I thought was weird.
And he kept telling me I was beautiful and that he's surprised their isn't a line of guys to date me.
Whatever.

And then we started to make out, and ya know. I'm a woman, I am not above just using someone for some fun. And then he asked me if I wanted to go into the other room. (Not really, I'm fine on a couch, but whatever) and admist the removal of clothes I kept feeling his penis poking down there, and I would scoot away from it. But it got to the point where I couldn't scoot away anymore. I had my eyes closed and felt something. There. I assumed it was his hand. but then I opened my eyes and realized it wasn't. I'm not sure how it all happend but then he took it out, and I sat up, and he kept telling me he was sorry that he didn't realize...(how do you not realize???) I told him it was fine whatever, then said I needed to go. So I picked up my clothes, and went to the bathroom and got dressed and left. He tried calling me and he texted me. But I didn't want to talk to him. I called my friend, and just cried. I felt so stupid. I still do! I feel stupid for trusting someone, I mean I told him, I didn't want to have sex. Sure it wasn't that day. But when you get a girl that's never done it before, you remember shit like that. Or not, whatever.

So, I have learned

• never take off your panties, they are the last line of defense
• don't close your eyes just becuase you don't want to look at him
• oh, and above all, boys are weird

xo-K

='s not so =

So when you go into a relationship and are prepared to share your heart and emotions with someone else, you expect things to be equal, do you not? I know that's what I expect to happen.

Before our time, like in the younger years of our grandparents or even their parents, females were not considered equals. They were meant to stay at home, have babies, cook, clean, not have their own thoughts, and sex their man when he wanted it. Which then in turn made more babies for them to cook, clean, and take care of. The men were the primary breadwinners, which I guess gave them the upper hand.  Or whatever.

So some years go by, and women start getting jobs, and taking on more of the money responsibility themselves. But at the same time a lot of them still have to to do the at home thing, and take care and raise kids. Which is another full time job in itself...hence why I'm waiting a while before I have kids, but anyway...women have more say in the relationship business. They have more independence and a stronger voice to be heard. Women fight for Equal Rights and become more dominant. And a lot of women start to say screw the 'family scene.'

BUT for those women who don't say screw it to the family scene and are in a relationship, a reoccurring pattern has appeared.

It seems like a lot of people that I know, or people that I see in the media, are not equal as a couple. There is always a dominant breadwinner or 'ruler' of that specific relationship. I just wonder if it's possible to be equal as a couple?

A few years ago, I had a tendency to date dudes who were less of an equal than myself. They couldn't hold a job and never had any real ambition in their lives. Why did I date such douche bags? Well Im pretty sure it was because I liked the thought of being better than that person. Which I realize now is totally absurd, but then I didn't. I guess, because I had a job and real goals in life, that made me better.
You should WANT to date someone who has goals in their life and real ambition. That's just a given. I don't think you should ever have to change your standards or stoop down to meet someone else's level.

No. You both should be on equal levels, standards, ,expectations, or whatevers.

Here's what I think. I think people get lazy. In many ways actually, but from a relationship point of view with an emphasis as equals:
*we date someone who is less of an equal as ourselves because we like to feel superior. It makes us feel good about ourselves.
*if we don't have money/goals/etc., we date someone who does so we can continue on with our lives being the lazy asshole we are.

So instead of being patient, making a few mistakes, and taking a few risks...we settle. Find someone who isn't on our level and just take what we can get. We either give up part of ourself or take a part of someone else.

Ugh, but at the same time I don't want it to seem like you should think you're better than someone else. But let's be real...because that's how it should be...if you're a 20+ yr old with no goals, no job, and no intention of getting one, then I guess I would consider someone with a job and goals more of an individual than the jobless person.

The choice is up to you. Be equals. Or not.


xoxox,

L

Have you ever thrown a handful of glitter in the air?

I have been thinking, after getting done with all my boy drama,
from John to Jerad to Mike to Kyle,
I think I am done with falling in like with boys for awhile.

I have been told by all that I am beautiful and smart and funny and sexy and simply amazing.
Well if this is true, why don't they try harder?
I told John that I wanted to make waffles with him, I told Mike he could make waffles with me, but no waffles have been made with me.

And then I find out that most have other girls.
Ok, well I do have other boys I flirt with, but I would stop if it got serious.
But really, how special, beautiful, smart, funny, and amazing am I if they are telling it to another girl?
One that I am fairly certain isn't nearly as amazing as I.

I have gotten to the point where I am tired of trying to find someone to make waffles with,
I am tired of all these pointless guys that I seem to waste my time liking.
Have you ever settled for something becuase you don't think something better likes you?
I don't know what I'm looking for anymore.

I don't know why it's my looks that stun boys first.
It's not like I'm not smart or funny. and I' do this thing called speaking my mind that gets me in trouble.
I must do one of two things, get really dumb, or not be cute anymore.

I have had a hard year.
Last summer, the job that I loved more than anything closed.
Then I didn't have a job for awhile.
Then I was working 2 jobs that made me want to crash my car into a tree.
But I met this guy, and although I wasn't my normal self, it felt nice to not have to worry about work for the few hours we hung out. And I didn't feel like I had to pretend to be someone else for him.
But That all went well.

And then there was Jerad.
He came to town for the car show.
I was totally and completly comfortable with him.
But he didn't make waffles with me.
He said he just wanted booty.
ummm...
And it seems to me that he has a thing for girls with babies and low self esteem.
which is SO not me.

Then I was content with being friends with benefits with another boy.
But after we met for a second time, he deleted me from facebook.
I wasn't commenting on everything he wrote, hell, I hardly even talked to him,
So I take it I must not be the kind of girl he wants to give him a bj when he's in town.

and them came Kyle.
I met him in a very unconventional way.
But he seemed nice.
I got over douche bags, and comfortable enough with him.
I asked him if he would want to go to the drive in. He seemed very excited about this.
Then the next day he told me, he now has a girlfriend.
But it's nothing I did.
but how special can i really be, if he's telling a girl the same thing as he's telling me?

I've tried my hand at this dating thing.
I've decided I don't like it.
I just feel used.

Douche #1 asked me if he could help me with my waffle problem,
But I honestly feel like after wards, I'd just roll over and cry.
Becuase if he really honestly wants to ditch me to date girls with babies,
What am I then?
I've made some pretty good choices with my life.
But sadly, it looks like this princess will never get her happy ending.

xoK

These things I am certain of:::

• If you have a bad feeling nothing can fix it, except confronting it.
• People change, but it won't take long for the pet peeves you had about them to start coming out again.
• Don't settle when it comes to your feelings. (settling for coke over pepsi is ok though.)
• Don't be afraid to let everyone know the real you. Even if she is a blonde barbie doll.
• Don't be afraid to say no to anyone.
• Don't be afraid to say yes to trying anything.
• Never do shots with, 'special favors' for, or touch the naked flesh of anyone call your boss.
• Never forget where you came from.
• Always take time for passion.
• Wedges are always easier to walk in than any other kind of shoe.
• Karma is real.
• Sometimes, what you think is best for you, really isn't.
• Listen to what your friends say about him, they don't have the "he's perfect" goggles on.
• Everyone should have a cat.
• Drivers should always stop and help out a turtle in need of a hand crossing the highway.
• Gay people, would totally make better parents than half the losers who don't understand birth control.
• Edward Cullen is a vampire. But he's not that great.

xo-K

A Womans Work

Recently, my brother has become engaged to a fresh out of high school 18 year old. (He's 21) I have made it no secret that I think they are much too young. (If i had gotten married then, I wouldn't be half the total babe I am now) Now that he is ready to live on his own and be a grown up, don't you think he would help out a little more, I mean in a week my mom will be going in for surgery and it's not like she'll want to do the gazillion things she does around the house. Yesterday, was a typical day for me. I had to take the Doctors kids to day care (I'm her on call sitter. In case she gets called in at night, I'm there to take care of her sons), then I had to run to Adams to get my car looked at, then my mom needed her prescription refilled in the Dells, I had to clean a flat of strawberries, make supper, and pack to go back to the Doctors. When I was leaving home to go pick up the pills, I asked my brother to unload the dishwasher. A simple task. I knew he wouldn't re-load it. I got home 40-ish minutes later, to find the dishwasher still full. How hard is it to push pause on World of Warcraft? Honestly, it took me about 6 minutes to unload it. So, why does he think that he is ready to get married when he can't unload the dishwasher, take out the garbage with out being asked 4 days in a row, do his own laundry, help out a little (we live at home Rent Free!), make supper once in a while, or help my dad get a load of hay? I work 3 jobs, have a social life, make supper almost every night, do dishes, laundry, take out garbage, pick up what my dog drug into the living room, help my mom with any projects, oh, and help any of my friends with anything they need from Jeff's resume, to Katie's pix... Apparently, A woman's work his never done. I just hope his fiance knows how much of a slob he is, and how much more work, he'll make for her. Oh, and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I wouldn't really have a problem with this, if he didn't make me, my friends & my family feel inferior to him. And maybe if he wasn't such a douche to everyone he meets. xo-K

a little venting about how i don't ever understand boys

so, i was seeing a guy for a bit. and then just one day he stopped talking to me. but i was just like, ok. and i went on with my life. well, he just so happens to work with my best friend. and one night, he was talking to her about stuff, and she said she's surprised he cry. and then I had the genius idea to drunk text him. I don't think it was that smart when you get the "who is this and stop texting me" text. So, don't worry. Point taken. But, it still leads me to wonder WTF MATE! Don't go saying one thing to one person, then be a complete fucking asshole. Sure, it wasn't the best idea to drunk text him, Or let jessika call him and tell him that he should put his penis in my mouth. But, you don't have to be a fucking asshole about it. OR! Better yet, Just tell me what I did to make you hate me. xo- k

Naked :: & lovin' it.

I know I lack a little in my expirence with members of the male sex. But one thing, that always held me back from really moving to the next level, was my body. I mean, I like it. A lot! But, I know it's not anything like, let's say...Heidi Montag's. (even though her's isn't even real). So, it wasn't until I finally had someone go from watching a movie to undressing me that I really liked it. A lot! Like, I want it, again. And again. And Again. I know not everyone can be comfortable in their own body, like take this weekend, I stayed with a boy, and I was in my naked glory, and he wouldn't take off his shirt :( I just think that if someone is comfortable enough to be naked with you, it wouldn't hurt to try and take it all off for them. Being nude is liberating, it's the one way, to truly show yourself and not hide. It's freeing to lay in bed and feel the breeze over your back. And, It's just nice to lay naked with someone and feel their skin on yours. Give it a try, you just might like it, and want to do it more. Like me!

Conformity and Society

We, in the United States, have become afraid of being offended. We are offended by body jewelry, body piercing, foreign languages, dissent, questioning authority, non-Christian religions, no religion, socialism, anarchism, anything other than what resides in our suburban SUV-like comfort zones. We are afraid of anything unfamiliar. We attempt to control that which makes us uncomfortable. Institutionalized control, however, necessitates the presence of fear. And, institutionalized fear narrows people's options. And that, of course, is the point. Isn't it?

I didn't write this. But here's what I have to say about it.

Notice that shiny thing in my ear? Well that my friend is a 1/2" gauge/earring. Do you find this to be offensive?

Well apparently some people do.

I went into work tonight (3rd shift) and was told that I could potentially be losing my job because of those shiny little things in my ears. Yup, you heard right. I could lose my job that I've currently had for the past 6 years, because of earrings. I wasn't even given an option to take them out. Just being fired.

What is the world coming to? We're meant to conform to some secret standard. I would honestly like to know who came up wtih these standards in the first place. What makes small earring or no tattoos, or anything of the sort for that matter, okay and acceptable? Who made these rules? I know that I didn't. So why should I have to follow them? Yeah, I'm not sure either.

I just want to let everyone know out there, that we shouldn't have to put up with things like this in our world. We SHOULD love one another for WHO we are, not WHAT we look like or WHAT we wear in our fucking ears. It just seems wrong to me. And I know there are people out there who will agree to both sides of the argument. But...

My earrings are not affecting my job. They're not a hazard to anyone, and they're not offensive. So...

They can kiss my ass. OR fire me. Either way works for me =]

I'm going to stay strong and fight it. In my eyes, I see it as discrimination. We're not living in the 1940s where everyone had to dress and look alike and anyone who was different was pointed out and laughed at. Honestly Mr. Corporation...let's grow up and see the bigger picture.

And let's stop ridiculing Lacey Mae for her iced out gauges. K, thanks.

xxx,

L

Falling out of friendship.

Best friends. Blood sisters. I got your back, and you got mine. The whole she-bang...Friends 'til the end, right? In most cases, yes. But not in all. Let's say you have a friend that you've been friends with since high school, or even further back...maybe middle or elementary school. Point being, you've been friends for a hella long time. You're so incredibly close to this person, that you could honestly tell them anything, and trust them with your life. You gossip about boys, girls, life, sex, and everything else in between. This is the kind of friend that you can spend hours talking to and tell them secrets and know that she would never ever judge you, but only try and give you her best advice. Yup, someone you can always count on. Get it? Okay. So let's say the two of you grow a little older. And all of a sudden things start changing. She suddenly becomes too 'busy' to hang out. And I quote busy, because in all reality she's actually just choosing other people and things, over you. Now, I'm not saying that you're the only person your 'best friend' can and should hang out with. No. I'm saying that she is continuously ditching you. Continuously, like every time you try and make plans. She has no money or something else going on. OR maybe you both have boyfriends now, and it's hard to make time for eachother. But it seems like every time that you make some time, she's mysteriously busy. [AKA in the bar, getting her drink on with her boyfriend and new friends. Which you would have no problem attending with her, except that it would be nice to actually spend some quality time with your best friend. You know catch up and gossip. One on one.] Needless to say, you're frustrated. It's come to the point that when you DO actually hang out or see eachother, it's almost awkward. You don't know what to talk about anymore because you're not sure if she's still the same person. It's even come to the point that you think she may be judging you. You do the awkward HEEEEYYY how's it going, kind of thing. Which makes it weird for everyone. Ugh. What are you supposed to do in a situation like this, or one similiar? Well, you could keep prying and trying to hang out with this best friend. But then you would just come off as being desperate and needy. Which is NEVER cool. So I think one or two more attempts at hanging out would be okay. But if it's still not working out after that, then that's not your fault. You tried. You could talk to her about it. But then again you're dealing with those awkward emotions and situations. And if you did talk to her about it, it would probably just be brushed off like it's not a big deal. Or 'she didnt even notice it happening' kind of thing. Personally, I would just go with the flow. Friendships are pretty powerful things...most of the time. And eventually she should realize who her true friends are. You know, the ones who aren't continuously drunk, and the ones who can show who they truly are. She'll eventually come to you with some kind of issue, in need of some GOOD advice with meaning. And at that point, it's your turn to decide whether or not you're going to give her what she needs. You could be the good friend, who said she would always be there for her, and be there for her. Or you can be a bitch and ignore her. Either way, it's your choice. True friendships and friends last forever, and that's the kind of friend I choose to be. Because true friends will be there long after some douche bag is. ooxo, L

Delete::From Life

Deleting Boys, it's never been easier! First is the realization it's over.. When he's just all weird. You'll kn0w, when this happens. Next is the coming to terms with it. I think this shouldn't take too long. I mean it really honestly depends on how long your fling lasted. Everyone is different but, don't be pining a month later, out loud at least. Then comes the deleting of those cute little texts he sent you and getting rid of the things he gave you. This can be hard when you like to read about how someone finds you sexy, or how kissable your lips are. But once you remember he hasn't talked to you in 2 weeks or so, it's not that hard to know he didn't really mean it. The things he gave you are easy to get rid of (unless it's an STD) stuffed animals are great for cousins! Flower vases, just give 'em to your mom! Candy, toss it! Finally comes the hardest parts. The first part, deleting him from your phone. Because if you don't you'll have a few too many and text him. Or late at night when you're in bed, you'll text him. Another thing to do is delete him from Facebook. Unless you have enough restraint to not talk to him on there. The second hardest part is giving him his stuff back. Stuff like CD's and Movies. Most girls would just keep it or toss it, but remember we aren't most girls! Would you want someone to toss your things away? That's what I thought. So make it civil. A "Here's your CD back, thanks for everything, see ya around." works well. I don't think we have to be man hating babes. I mean, I really admire and respect all the ones who've gotten to know me, I just wish it was easier to understand them sometimes, but I just have to pick myself up, and find a new one.

Some girls have it all

Some girls have all the luck. They have good hair. They can shop at every store in the mall. They have a talent. A real one, like dancing or singing. They have real jobs. They date guys who don't think they have gambling problems. How come every time I meet a guy and it gets kind of good, it just goes down the drain? I always hope that maybe someday well get to be one of those couples you see at parks just laying barefoot in the grass, but I never expect it, and it never happens. So I think I should just stop hoping that someday, someone will wrap their arm around me during a campfire, or kiss me in the fog, or lay in the grass barefoot with me. Because that would be my fairy tale, and fairy tales it seems, just aren't that real. Oh, and ps to all boys-If a girl says she wants to have sex with you, you know one that you've been seeing, don't tell her you want to wait. Just give her the real reason why you don't want to so she can just stop wasting her time. xo-K

The weight is over.

Ahhhem, let me clear my throat. Because I have a lot to say. (why I'm clearing my throat to write a blog is beyond me). But today I'm writing on a subject that I have immense feelings about, and one that hits pretty 'close to home' for me. And I apologize in advance if it gets a little lengthy.

I will also be putting this post on my personal blog for any of you that follow that: http://www.chaptersoflacey.blogspot.com/

Okay, well where to start? I guess I should give you a little background information so this all makes better sense.

From ages born to 8 years old, I was a fricken cute kid. Adorable. Born with black hair, and tons of it, that turned to platinum blonde by the time i was 3 or 4 with the biggest blue eyes. Super cute kid...and then. Well, I developed a unibrow and my hair turned into this dingy blonde color that wasn't very cute. And I was a little chubby. Not morbidly obese or even really overweight. Just chubby. I had and still kind of have, these 'chubby' cheeks. I just wasn't that cute anymore. That stage lasted from 5th grade to ohhh maybe sophomore year of high school. Then I started to get out of puberty somewhat and kind of find myself, well as best I was going to so far. I still had this issue though...I was still a little chubby.

I never really had a problem with my weight, or the way I seen myself. I never thought that I was chubby at all, and I was pretty confident with my body. I was always running around outside and doing this sport or in this club. I wasn't just sitting on my ass at home eating ho ho's and playing video games. I was active, and I ate healthy full course meals. (I grew up with my grandparents, who believe in home cooked meals for every meal) I mean, I knew that I wasn't the skinniest person, and I had friends who were skinny. Whatever, it didn't bother me and I learned to brush it off for a while...

I think I first started having weight issues when I got into 8th grade. There was this guy in my class, and not even a guy that I was the slightest bit attracted to, who called me thunder thighs. Now I have bigger thighs and a bigger butt, but by no means are they that deserving of the name, thunder thighs. But that's what he called me. And really for the first time in my life, I started to pay attention to my body. I noticed that I wasn't a 'skinny' girl. That summer I went to the doctor to have a physical because the next year I was going to go out for summer sports in high school. Whatever, no big deal. Well I have my physical and my doctor..who is a 'skinny bitch' tells me that I could stand to lose a few pounds. Ahhem. I was like 13 or 14 years old, probably 5'1" and at that time I weighed 125lbs. But I could lose a few pounds?!?!? By then, it was engraved in my head that I was 'fat'.

So years go by, and I have this thought in my head that I'm a chubby girl, and that if I were skinnier I would be able to date this boy and that boy. And I would be able to wear these clothes and this swimming suit. Ugh, frustrating. I graduate high school weighing I want to say around 145-150lbs. And about a size 10/12. Now I was chubby. After I graduated high school, I wasn't active in sports anymore so gaining weight was very easy. Not to mention my metabolism sucks like no other. I tried dieting and working out ocassionally, but I'm a pretty impatient person. So if something doesnt show result asap, then I quit. I tried starving myself once too..that lasted about two days..and then I realized how utterly ridiculous that was.

So in the summer of 2009 I became vegan. It was just a choice that I decided to make, kind of out of nowhere. It wasn't a way of dieting so much as it was being healthy. Diabetes and heart disease run in my family, and I want no part in that. Vegan, meaning no meat, eggs, milk, dairy, no animal by-products. I honestly ate rice, veggies, fruit and potatoes like no others. I never once starved myself though. I lost 15lbs. In roughly a month and a half. I started working out. Running 2-3 miles anywhere from 2-4 times a week. Lifting weights, and I just started to watch what I ate. I had never felt healthier or happier in my life. But I found that being vegan was really starting to put a strain on my body physically. I took a multivitamin, but I wasn't getting all the nutrients that my body needed, so I decided to become vegetarian instead. Which means I still don't eat meat ...

So there's the background info, here's my ranting and bitching:

I was on the infamous facebook and was chatting with a few friends. On this day in particular I was talking to a guy name Brandon Holsten, with whom I had a relationship with a couple years ago. We actually lived together, but it turned out he was a jerk and a huge momma's boy. Whatever. So him and I were just chatting and all of a sudden he asks me: are you still doing that vegan thing? My response: Well not vegan anymore, but vegetarian still. Him: Ohhhh, I can tell. Me: What do you mean? Him: Well, you've gained wait (he can't spell to save his life). Me: Um. Actually I haven't, still weight the same as I did this summer. Him: Well in your pictures it looks like you have. In the face and stuff. And I'm just being honest and telling you what you're boyfriend wouldnt tell you. When I saw you this summer you were skinny skinny. Me: This is why I broke up with you, youre such an asshole, etc etc.

From there he gets defensive and whatever and I blow up on him. Blah blah. Oh and his ex girlfriend decides to stick her nose into it too. What a joy. "but not in a mean way." Ahhh, okay??? SO..

Every woman and a lot of men are insecure with their bodies. It's a given fact, and it sucks. After Brandon insulted me, I cried. I called my boyfriend who then got pissed that I would let such a jerk ruin my day. He reassured me that I was not fat and that I had not gained weight. But eventhough he had reassured me, I still felt like shit. And I'm still mad at the fact that I let such a loser ruin my day. Brandon is a huge jerk, and I regret ever dating him.

This is why girls have insecurities abou their bodies. Because douche bags like him think that they are hot shit and can give opinions like that. The only person who can judge you, is yourself. And you shouldn't be that hard on yourself about your weight. Hell, everyone struggles with weight every once in a while, or you can be like me. And struggle with it your whole life.

Well I guess I'm not struggling with it persay. It's just something that I have an issue with personally. And that sucks. It was something that was almost put inside my head at a young age, and I'm trying my damnest to get over it. Oh, believe me...trying my absolute hardest.

I've wrote numerous blogs on this whole weight thing. And as much as I would like to say that this will be my last post on this subject, I know it will not be. This is a BIG deal. People die over this kind of thing. Yes, people die over a number on a scale. Whether it be the number is too big, or it's too small. We NEED to get over this subject. We need to move on, and be happy with ourselves. How can we do this? Well I'm going to give you some personal advice that tends to work for me most of the time.

1. I go to my friends or family for support. They would tell me if I was gaining an unhealthy amount of weight and they'd be brutally honest, in the nicest way, about it. Not like some douche bag Brandon who just wants to say I'm fat in the face because he's fat in the head. Ugh.

2. I look at myself in the mirror and DON'T pick out my imperfections, but rather my good qualities. And I make sure that I let myself know that I AM beautiful the way that I am.

3. I remind myself that things in my life, and with my body, could be A LOT worse. And I'm thankful that they're not.

4. Remember that you only live once, and you only have this very ONE body. You should love it for as long as you have it.

5. Why waste your time being self conscious and worried what other people think? You don't know how long you have on this Earth. I know that I don't want to die unhappy and worried about other's opinions continuously.

6. Just imagine how shitty the world would be if everyone were a size fucking 2 with fake tans and blonde hair. How lame would that be? Very.

7. Be happy. And love yourself. Because if you can't love yourself, then no one else can either.

I absolutely promise you on everything that is holy, that you ARE beautiful. Did you know that Marilyn Monroe...you know that gorgeous girl that men wanted and women envied..weight 140 lbs at her heaviest and 125 lbs at her very lightest. She was a size 10 in her days which would now roughly be a size 6 today. She was not anorexic. She was a healthy woman...minus the drugs. But you get my point. Plus size models are taking over the modeling world by storm, and those scary skinnys...well they're becoming scary and very unappealing. What guy wants to date someone who counts calories and exercises 13 times a week? Any guy that does is an absolute moron, and should probably jump off of a bridge now to save us all the trouble.

I want you to be happy with yourself ladies. Even on those days when you feel like you can't go on, and it's just the end of the rope for you. Just remember that I know you're beautiful, I know it. I don't think it. I know it. And I want you to realize that too.

Because curves are beautiful. Every last one of them. <3

xoxo,

L

When enough is enough.

This is going to be from complete personal experiences and watching my friends go through the same thing.

Heartache.

When is enough, enough?

When will you stand up for yourself and call it quits?

In all reality, you're just going to get hurt in the end. Which is never a good thing. So why waste your time? You might as well be honest with yourself and this other person from the get-go. Here's what my observations and experiences have taught me:

So let's say you're seeing this guy, and by seeing I mean it's not official, and things seem to be going okay. But then he kind of loses interest or that's what it seems like. He doesn't text/call you as often as he used to, and when he does, it just doesn't seem the same.

You start to think that something is going on...something is fishy.

Well to be perfectly honest. You're right. Something is going on, something is fishy about this situation. But are you going to sit by and just let that happen? I dont know. That's something you've got to ask yourself.

I've let situations like this just happen, and guess what it got me? Heartache and denial. I was in denial with myself, and thought that if I just let the situation work itself out, that all would be okay. And rainbows and sunshine and whatever. Wrong!

Here's what you have to do. You have to be honest with this guy. You have to be honest with yourself.

Simply approach him and cut the crap. Save yourself the beating around the bush bullshit and confront him head on. Because honesty is the best policy, right? Right.

Ask him what his deal is. And tell him that you dont feel like wasting your time. Because if he's not into you, then he's not into you. And if that's the case then you shouldn't be wasting YOUR time, trying to be into to him either. You could be making waffles and being into someone else, rather than this douche bag who cannot make up his mind whether or not he wants to make waffles with you.

Hopefully when you're brutally honest with him, he'll see that you're truly interested in him, and that you're not going to wait around forever. Maybe that will give him the initiative to do something about it. And if it doesnt, well then he's not worth it.

Time to cut the cord and let this one go. Trust me.

xoxxx,

L

Strange how it happens :: Sometimes

I have met a boy. Well he's not really a boy. He's 31. He works with the great Lacey, that's how I met him. And he asked her about me, and I said it would be ok if she gave him my number. And she did. And he texted me. Then we talked a bunch, then we hung out. I didn't mean for it to go that far, I honestly only hoped we'd kiss a little, but somehow, all my clothes came off. A few nights later, he took me on a date. A REAL, grown up date. Like, he paid for it all! No one has ever done that for me! And then we didn't even mess around! I was fully expecting to give a little bit up, but all he did was kiss me goodnight! And then we hung out again, and it didn't take long for me to want to be naked. And then I decided, I want to make waffles with this boy. But sadly, I haven't gotten to hang out with him in daysssssss. But tonight, I stopped to see him at his work, and he hooked my friend up with Dippin' Dots, and some slushie, and he gave me a drink FO FREE. And when he did that, it made me like him a little bit more, and I can not wait to make waffles with him. ASAP. Call me crazy, but it's the little things that make me like him. And I'm sure I'll be posting something soon about Kendall's First Waffles! xo -k

Quick Fixes and Advice

Sorry it's been a while since we've wrote a blog. Writer's block I suppose. =/ Wow, I haven't wrote a blog in almost a month. Sorrrrrrry! That will never ever happen again! Well today I would like to write a little a blog with advice in it. Little pointers that I suppose you get with 'age' and knowledge you get with different experiences. AGE! Eww, now I make it sound like I'm forty with three kids. Ugh. But anyway...advice with boys, beauty, and whatever else I think of...keep in mind that these are just little pointers. Quick fixes if you will. This whole blog is dedicated to give you advice, and if you seek more in depth advice, give me a topic and I will be more than happy to go into great depth about that one thing! BOYS: 1. They do not get subtle hints. 2. They honestly do not notice the little things. Like your little pudge here or there. Or chipped nail polish. Or if your hair isn't 'perfect.' Whatever, they don't really notice, or care. And if they do, then there is chance they may like boys themselves. 3. They think about sex a lot. It's just something that they do. Oh well. (most normal girls think about sex a lot too. It's normal.) 4. MOST guys have selective hearing, and will need to be reminded of the little things. 5. I've noticed that a lot of guys aren't a big fan of PDA. 6. If they're going to great lengths to hide something from you, then something is going on. Investigation is in need. 7. If they don't get it. Don't wait around. There are plenty of other fish in the sea for you my friend, and they're waiting to be caught. LIFE: 1. Life is too short to worry about the little things. 2. Try everything at least once. 3. Don't be too hard on yourself because it's only going to drag you down, and make life a lot harder for you. 4. Never regret something that once made you smile. 5. Take risks and make changes. 6. Go with the flow. Trust me, you'll be a lot happier and healhier in your life. BEAUTY: 1. If you're running late and have about 5 minutes to do your make up. Mascara and lip gloss. Done deal. 2. Aveda skin care is without a doubt the absolute best. Enough said. 3. Train your hair to be washed about every two or three days. In the long run it's going to feel and look healthier. 4. Never ever sleep with your hair wet. It's going to cause breakage, and not to mention you're going to wake up with an afro. 5. Water, water, water. Drink lots and lots of it and I guarantee you'll be happy with the results. Guarantee. 6. Take vitamins. Why? Because they're good for you. I recommend a flintstone or similar vitamin that doesn't have too much of other junk that you don't need in your body. Take two a day. CLOTHES: 1. Wear what fits you. No one wants to see your tummy hanging out. It's not cute. On anyone really. 2. Never wear an entire outfit that is the same color. 3. Buttcracks hanging out of the back of your jeans=not cute. At all. 4. Affliction=not cool. 5. Sometimes it's okay to have a lazy day and wear those baggy clothes and sweat shirts. LOVE: 1. Should be a beautiful thing. 2. Don't over analyze it. Just do it. Like Nike. 3. Spread and share it. A smile goes a long way. Honestly. 4. Love one another. Because in the end, all you need is love. 5. Tell that someone that you love them. They shouldn't have to try and guess it. GIRLS: 1. Don't give into drama. Because in the end they're going to be the ones looking like morons. Honestly. 2. Girls are dumb for the most part, and tend to overreact. Get over it. FRIENDS: 1. Life is too short to hold grudges, so apologize and get over it. 2. Be there for them. Always. They're going to be there longer than any boy out there. 3. Don't talk shit about them. Ugh. 4. Don't lie to your friends to make yourself seem cooler. Not cool. 5. Give them constructive advice. BODY: 1. Love your body. It's the only one you have, so take care of it. 2. Water water water. Water. 3. Eat healthy. McDonalds is the devil. Remember that. 4. Work out and be active. Honestly, it's not that hard to go for a walk is it? 5. Vitamins again. 6. Fruits and veggies do wonders for your body. FYI. SEX: 1. Is very enjoyable, so have it often. 2. Be safe. If you just met this person you're about to do the deed with, you better be using some kind of protection. It doesn't take a moron to know that. But I'm telling you anyway. 3. It's cool to be STD free. 4. It's okay to play the field, but again, you better be covering your bases and playing it safe. 5. Show your man what pleases you. Because he cannot read your mind. 6. Don't be a selfish lover. 7. Don't be afraid to try new things or positions. 8. Have fun and don't make it a chore or duty. And do not schedule sexual acts. Ew. How enjoyable is that really going to be. 9. Do dirty text. And send naughty pictures. I know these are really broad topics, but I hope they help you out in some way or other! xxxx, L

..and I was like OH yesss, I wanna bake cookies on your stomach

once upon a time, a girl met a boy on the internet. and he seemed cool and all that jazz. and then one day, on a whim, this boy drove to visit his friends that lived near this girl. then long story short, for some reason his friends didn't want to hang out, so he asked the girl if she wanted to. DUH. well he got here at like 3 am, and in the time that she was going to go meet him to mess around at Wal-mart, she laid down and fell asleep. so this boy had to spend the night in the back of his car at a truck stop. the next morning when the girl realized her mistake, she told him she would love to meet for lunch, he suggested breakfast. girl said ok, and met him at Ihop for waffles (like the kind you eat). then girl and boy drove around for awhile, and went to the big ol' fancy kalhari, where they cuddled (i guess that's what it's called?) on a couch for awhile. next they drove to visit girls friend, but she was busy, so boy suggested they go get lost. and girl liked this idea... somehow they ended up in a parking lot at devils lake and boy was doing delicious naughty things girl had never experienced before. then boy asked girl to do something that oddly, she's been craving to do for the past week, and all and all had a fan-fricking-tastic time. but the weird part was, girl wasn't freaking out about meeting him, she was just cool with it. She was a bit nervous (I mean hello, I am a nerd!) but in the end, was more than happy with the out come of the day, and is more than ready to do it again. with him, or any other cool dude. she's not picky, she takes what she can get ;)

Playing House

I have recently met a boy like no other. Issue is, he lives in a far distant land called Illinois. (well it's not that far off, only like 3 hours.) And I do really want to meet this dude. He's not like other guys who I have to try and talk myself into wanting to hang out with, I just do. So he told me once he gets his tax return money, he wants to come visit. But I don't think it's fair for some reason. So I told him I could come there sometime. And he said he would love to play house with me. I really would like to. But I worry about it a bit. I really dread driving 3 hours alone. And I really think I would make myself look like a retard. I mean, I really want to go. Just not alone. This weekend he got on this whole I want you to trust me thing. And it's weird, becuase I do. I know what I want, I just need some help doing it. Any one want to go to Chicago for a weekend? xo-K

Jealousy

What is jealousy? This is probably one of the easiest words to define and associate with in your life, because everyone feels it at some point. If someone ever tells you that they dont get jealous and whatnot, well then they're a liar and need to be slapped.

No one has it that good. Okay?

I thought it would be interesting to define Jealousy in the eyes of the dictionary. The first definition is from the actual dictionary and the last two are from urbandictionary.com....which is probably a more acurate way to define things nowadays.

>Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.

>Jealousy doesnt mean that you dont trust someone. its just means that you care a lot. it means you're scared to lose someone or you feel like attention has been drawn away from you.

>The feeling people get when they cant be like you! They wish they had your looks, talent and material possessions but they don't.. so they badmouth you instead to level the playing field. When they do this they usually don't tell the truth about anything either.

I find the last definition to be quite amusing. I guess that tends to be true most of the time though.

I am probably one of the most jealous people you will come across. This is one of my major flaws, but it's not something that I can easily change. It's really not something that anyone can easily change, but rather something you need to learn to deal with. I suppose the best way to talk about jealousy is to give an example of it.

Let's say that you're dating a guy, and you find out that he's been talking to girls...texting, calling, hanging out with, whatever...and he's been 'hiding' it from you. Hiding it from you meaning; whenever you confront him about it he denies it, changes the subject, or does anything he can do to not directly discuss it. And who knows, him talking to other girls could really mean nothing at all, and you're probably just being paranoid. I guess being jealous and being paranoid, kind of go hand in hand. Wow, realization for myself. Anyway...

This scenario has happened to me numerous times. Sometimes the talking and hanging out means nothing at all, but other times it has meant something...and a week later I end up being single because this douche bag decides that this other girl was better than myself. Whatever. Whether it meant something or not, I was jealous. Jealous that I wasn't getting all the attention from my boyfriend. Jealous that I knew some other girl was good enough to catch his attention and take the light away from me. Jealous that I wasn't the only girl he was thinking of..even if it was only a friend kind of thing.

I think we tend to over analyze things when it comes to being jealous over something. Half of the time, nothing is going to happen from your boyfriend talking to another girl. He's with you, right? You're the one who gets to kiss him, hug him, hold him, and whatever him. Not these other chicks. (unless he ends up leaving you for one these other girls, and if that's the case then it wasn't meant to be in the first place) Most of the time you have absolutely nothing to worry about. There are times when you should start to question things though. Let's say you find out that your boyfriend has been talking to his ex lately. Which is okay, a little weird, but sometimes they're still friends and it's okay. But when he starts hiding it, and starts to get defensive when you bring her up, then it's time to get a little jealous/paranoid. Not only that, but then it's time to set some rules and start questioning other things.

With jealousy, comes a lack of trust. In turn, I think that lack of trust causes paranoia. You NEED trust in order to make a relationship work. It's an absolute must, and without trust in your relationship, it will never work. Guaranteed.

Now if you start getting jealous about every little thing that goes on with your dude, like some other girl posting harmless stuff on his Facebook wall, then it's time for a reality check.

Are you really supposed to be with this person if you're going to get jealous over the itty bitty little things? Where's the trust in that? There is NO trust in that. That's when you need to take a step back and deal with things on your own and stop being so freaking paranoid.

Jealousy can mean that you care a lot for someone, yes. But it can also mean that you're literally crazy. Which kind of jealousy are you going to pick?

xoxoxx,

L

Cloud 9::More than a Salon

I know, it's lame. I always write about a cool dude, and then it a few weeks later, I write about how much I hate him. But I am going to do it again. Oh he is cool! I can't even tell you how cool. Like normally, I am so nervous to talk to dudes on the phone, but when he called me, I wasn't nervous. And It wasn't that awkward, even when we weren't saying anything, It didn't seem that awkward to me at least. Or maybe it could be the fact that it was 1am... And I don't know, but something about him, has given the me self confidence to think I am a total babe. I got a mini skirt and HIGH heels, oh but I do think I look delicious in them, or at least I am thinking that when I slip on those heels. He is more than willing to return the favor, if I send a naughty picture, you can be sure I get one back, and he's not always pestering me to take off my clothes, and you can be sure that if I do, his are normally coming off too. I believe what he says. And before, I've gotten way nervous when guys compliment me, but not really when he does. I am trying this new thing called playing it cool, maybe this has something to do with it. He's funny. He's into photography. He's outgoing. He's passionate. He's responsible for a great amount of fun I've had between the hours of 1am and 5am. A back, when I met up for dinner with another dude, and Jeff thought he was cool, and Lacey said "No Jeff, Kendall needs a boy that can keep up with her." And call me crazy, but this dude, I'm pretty sure, can keep up with me. And I think I can learn a lot from him, in all sorts of ways. xo K

Valentine's Day

Today is a day we know as Valentine's Day, V-Day, or if you're single..the worst day ever. I have been single PLENTY of times on Valentine's Day. Or I've just been dating a douche, which is pretty much the same thing when you think about it. I've had my fair share of bad ones and I guess a decent amount of good ones too. So with this holiday, I thought I would write about love. And not love in a broad and unspecific term. But when love is love. When you know it's true and when it's the right time to express to someone else, that you're feeling it. Now I've thought long and hard about this. Because I have been one to overthink when the proper time to say I love you, is. It's such a hard and long debate. But I guess when it boils down to it, you'll just know when it's the right time. I think that love can be a one sided thing for sure. But in order for it to be something real, both parties should have pretty much mutual feelings. I mean how fun is it to love someone when they dont feel the same. Been there, done that. Not cool. So when is a proper time? Well that really all depends. You can make it extra romantic and go on a nice date to say those 3 lovely words. Or you can just blurt them out at random. Whatever works for you. But you better make sure you mean them..because once they're out, they're out. And once the other person assumes you LOVE them, then that's a pretty serious step. Trust me, when you love love love someone, you'll know it. It's going to be apparent. Love is one of those, can't eat can't sleep can't breathe butterflies when you see them kind of feelings. It's when you wake up next to them during the night and just smile, because you know that they're yours and you're theirs. It's the little joys you get from the slightest touches..holding hands and kisses on the cheeks. It's the way your heart longs for them when they're not there. It's this wonderful and fabulous kind of feeling that everyone should experience in life at least once, if not more. And yes it is possible to experience love more than once, with different people. So I guess, back to my point with the whole right timing kind of thing. You'll know when it's the right time. You'll just feel it in your heart. Just go with those feelings you have in your heart and don't second guess yourself. ...and Happy V-Day.

xo,

L

5 Great Ideas

So, I've spent a lot of time, trying to be someone that boys will like. But I have realized, I don't want to change. I like myself. But I did happen to stumble upon an article in Cosmo about how when girls work there, they often end up engaged and married soon after. Well, I was intrigued. I do not want to be engaged, but I do like good advice when it comes along, and I think these tips help out a lot

Lesson 1- Guys love being off the hook. Basically don't pressure them so much. Don't worry about if this dude is going to be your boy friend, or a boy that's your friend. Just let it happen. When it's right, you'll both know.

Lesson 2-Guys live in the present. Never act all wifey to show that you'll be perfect. Who is planning that far ahead?! Have fun, party, go out, try new things. Who know's what'll happen

Lesson 3-Guys like to be liked. No matter his little quips, don't freak out about them. Unless it's one that you can't stand. (like he plays multiplayer computer games for hours or something that is not cool.) If a guy compliments you or dresses different or just wants to hang out, just roll with it! It's who he is!

Lesson 4- Guys like independent chicks. This is my favorite, DO WHAT YOU WANT. Don't sit around waiting for him to call, don't change plans just for him, do what you want. Guys want what they can't have. But don't make them feel like it's unattainable. And don't be a tease all the time!

Lesson 5-Guys love being admired. Of course us ladies do to, but don't be afraid to tell him how rad he is, or how you got lucky to be admired by such a hottie, or how you envy his lifestyle! It makes him, feel just as good as it makes you feel when he tells you such things.

So, I am taking this to heart. I'm just going with the flow, I'm not over thinking anything, I'm going to do what I want. This week, I had the chance to hang out with a dude (sure it wasn't that good of an idea most likely) but it was the first time in a LONG time I was going to do what I wanted to and I wasn't going to over think it! But then he cancelled :( But it makes me feel good that it was the first time, I wouldn't have done what everyone else wanted me to do.

Keep this in mind.

It's been working GREAT for me in the recent days!

xo-K

What comes around comes around, again.

A while ago, (wo-zah-wa to be exact) I met a dude. We went from 'nice glasses' to making out in about a minute. And then I texted him, and we talked, and he told me some rather great things. But then. He. Just. Stopped. Texting. First I thought he was busy. Second I thought he just wasn't that cool. So, I just stopped trying. I called him once. From Marley's. But it was the end. I delete everything nice he said and his number the next morning. Fall turned into winter... And one day he texted me (today in fact). He said he had some personal issues to work out before he kept going along like this. (not really sure what that means) But then we get to the real reason. He's coming to town next week. And would like to hang out. To talk, catch up, eat, drink. this is my list of concerns

• This is a Booty Call
• I am pretty sure he knows that I haven't had sex
• I might want to do this
• I know that I shouldn't
• I know that it'll just be a one time thing
• I think spending Valentine's Day with some dude is a better idea than getting drunk and crying a little.
• He was like, a crazy good kisser.
• I am not sure what to wear.

:/ this face is totally the way I feel. xo-K

InSecure

Emotional Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless. It seems weird to look it up and all, I mean to me insecurity is that feeling I get when a boy tells me he likes me. I wonder why he thinks I am worthy of his affection. Because I know, there are girls ten times hotter than me out there. And then when I do start to cool off about that, I start to freak out becuase I know eventually he'll want to see me in various states of undress. And then I really freak out becuase I know, that there are girls 100 times hotter than me out there. And then, I always feel that it's best to end it before it even starts becuase, it's always easier to be the one that hurts than to get hurt. I am one of the odd ones, but what about those people that are too insecure to be alone? It could be the girl that stays with that guy her friends don't really care for. Or the girl that hasn't been single since she was 10 for more than a week. Why do we worry so much about our what makes us nervous? And why does it make us so nervous? I am trying to work on it. I spend a lot of time thinking lately. Why do I let what I don't like hold me back so much?! My insecurites keep me from being in a relationship. Maybe it just means I'm not ready for one. Although, I would be a rather good girl to have around, I mean I cook, do laundry, give bj's, and I do have a pretty rad personality. All these are things boys do like in girls, or so I'm guessing. I wish, that we could all just make what bothers us just drift away. And allow us to be free, to do what we've always wanted to do. But for now, I will just stick to being a strong independent women, who drinks a little too much on Valentines day and cries. xo-K

Settling.

I recently have had the pleasure of reading a fabulous article in the Marie Claire magazine. The article is titled: 'Girls, Stop Being so Picky.' Marie Claire interviews the author of the book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.... (Well to be honest, my boyfriend started reading the article to me, and I found it so fascinating, that I had to go out and buy the actual magazine for myself).

After I brought the magazine home and reread the article, I highlighted the 'important' parts that stood out to me. Those parts in this article inspired me to write this blog you are about to read. And I'm dying to buy the actual book and read that for myself.

Now as young females, we tend to think that we are...well, goddesses, for lack of better words..that we are strong, independent, and that nothing can hold us back. And why should we let some guy hold us down and try and 'interfere' with our lives.

"We'd rather be alone for the right reasons.."

I am/was guilty of this kind of thinking. Sure, I would go on dates and casually date boys here and there..but I was never looking for any real type of commitment. I mean because the idea of being with one certain person for the rest of my life, didn't make much sense to me. Hell, it even scared me.. Nowadays you don't see many people stay together for the long haul...Divorce rates are through the roof and promiscuous sex is an every day occurance...the real kind of love is nowhere to be found. And in our heads (as we're casually dating) we're thinking that we'll probably meet our soulmate someday..but if it doesn't actually happen, you'll be okay. You'll be able to deal. But we never think that it may never happen. Most people are not strong enough to come to terms with this kind of thinking. We're too stubborn to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. "..so we took this idea of being self-sufficient and not depending on anybody, and applied it to our romantic lives." Now I am definitely not trying to belittle the female race, in any way. I am only trying to help you understand. Understand why so many people are alone and without love in their lives.

Ladies, we're being too picky.

Now, before you rush off to conclusions...hear me out. Have you ever been guilty of not going on a date with a guy because of a little imperfection he may have? For example: he has bushy eyebrows, his front tooth is weird, he has little feet, he's not 6 foot tall, he has blue eyes instead of green, he doesn't wear name brand clothing, he plays video games, etc, etc...I know each and every one of us are guilty of this. At some point in your life you turned down a guy before you actually got to know him, just because something was 'off.' Ladies, why do we tend to focus on the negative things about a person, rather than the positive. And we all know that this can go both ways, unfortunately. And guys can be the ones who are pointing out the flaws in someone...but for now, we're taking a step back and focusing on ourselves. As I've said before, if you can't be honest with yourself, then who can you be honest with? ..So why do we always focus on the negative things about someone? I wish I could answer this question. We were probably raised that way. Let's face it, there tends to be more negative things in the world, rather than positive. But, that's no excuse for our actions... This article also brought up the point that our friends may have cause to dilemma. What are friends for? Well I know that as a friend, I try to be there for my fellow friends and give them support whenever it's needed. And sometimes I may give them too much support, and at times, may fill their head full of compliments. I know that some of my friends definitely do this to me as well. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing. I'm just saying, that we have such big heads from our friends telling us how great we are, that sometimes we tend to think we're perfect. And if this guy isn't perfect like us, then he has no chance in hell at getting past first base. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that you shouldn't have standards for your sig other. Because standards are always a must. And I am definitely not saying that you should marry someone that you meet on myspace. I am simply saying, give love a chance. How can love flourish, if your cutting it off before it even gets the chance to grow? I am saying, that if youre wondering why you're not finding love out there, maybe its time to take a step back and analyze yourself. Are you setting yourself up to fail? We are ALL human. And we ALL have flaws and make mistakes. But that's what makes it so great. That's what makes life interesting and fun. All of these flaws and imperfections will only keep you on your toes...only keep you wanting more of your sig other. But if you cant stop being too picky and if you keep pointing out the flaws in someone else, then I don't want to hear you bitch and complain that you haven't found someone that wants to date you. And I dont want to hear you bitch that you're alone. Because chances are that it's your own damn fault. If you're not willing to come to terms with the fact, that we are all humans and no one is perfect, then whatev. Sorry. Prince Charming doesn't exist. That kind of stuff is left for the Disney movies. That's why they're movies...But Prince Charming does have a brother, and I promise you that he's just as good, if not better than his ridiculously-impossible-standard-brother. *Disclaimer: I do not want you to sell yourself short. Have standards. But make sure they are realistic and not fantasy like. xxxo, L

a little advice about :: Advice

Once upon a time, there lived some fair maidens, the best of friends they were. We will call one Cinderella and the other Ariel. One day Ariel met a boy. He was unlike any other boy she'd met in awhile. Ariel introduced him to Cinderella, but Cinderella just didn't have a good feeling about him. Something was off. She wasn't sure what. Time passed and so did boys and the holidays. And then there was a big turn up, Ariel was dating the Boy. And Ariel was sure he was Prince Charming. Cinderella, wasn't so sure. But she knew that if she told Ariel she had a bad feeling about it all, Ariel would just say a number of things and not listen to her. Because let's face it, that's what Cinderella did when Ariel told her to stop talking to certain boys. In a shocking turn of events, the day that Cinderella got her glass slipper, Prince Charming told Ariel 'he needed more time'. Ariel was devastated. Cinderella went to go be with her friend. And told her the secret that had been chewing her insides out for weeks. In the days since Cinderella has realized, if she has a bad feeling about something, she's going to say it. And she's always going to listen to Ariel. xo-K

Yup Yup!

Isn't this the truth? Unless it's hot and steamy and worth bragging about, what's the point? xo-Kendall

Drama with the EX

This is, kind of, an extension off of the previous blog about moving on. But this is from a different stand point, I guess you could say.

What happens when you start seeing someone, but their previous bf/gf won't let go?

Ugh. And before I delve into this, I would like to state, that I have delt with this in every damn relationship I have ever been in. Every single one of them. It's very very frustrating. Beyond belief. You're seeing someone, dating, whatever, and they are recieving calls/texts/emails/fb posts/etc from their ex....while it's pretty obvious that they're with someone else.

[And I'd like to point out that, it doesn't really matter why they broke up in the first place. It happened. It's over]

I understand that it takes people time to move on. I completely understand, I've been there before. But I've never been one to come crawling back on my hands and knees, to my ex. Especially once I've learned that they starting seeing someone else. Especially then. Why? It doesnt make you look good. And I'm not trying to put anyone down while writing this blog. If you've ever been the one to come crawling back, I'm sorry. My intentions are not to offend you, but rather to open your eyes. So maybe you can learn to not let it happen again. And as I've stated before, and still live by:

Everything (absoultely everything) happens for a reason.

Whether you like to believe that or not, is your choice. But it's truth. The two of you broke up. Yes, it hurts. And yes, at the moment, it sucks. But it means you're not meant to be together. And who knows, maybe in the future, your paths may cross again. And maybe then, just maybe, you're meant to be together. Just not now. So why bother with all the texts/calls/etc, if they're not working? If they wanted to be with you, they would.

Ugh..I guess I'm really not sure what else to write on this topic.

But I would just like to say that being a bitch/jerk is not going to help out the situation either. You're only going to annoy the person you're trying to get back or push them further away. Which should not be your intention. Don't give them a hard time for the new person they're seeing. Because that's a low blow and only going to cause offense and hurt feelings. You should learn to move on and be happy without this person.

Because you have your someone out there waiting for you.

xoxoxxx,

L

Moving On.

Everyone handles this very differently.

For some people moving on is as easy as going to the bar and finding a new vajay or new penis.

But for others it's much more difficult. It takes months upon months of trial and error, to finally get it right. To finally find enough strength to forget that certain somebody. And even then, you may still not be entirely over them.

All is not lost. You can be strong enough. I promise you. I want to help you get over this somebody and move on. Let's think this through logically...because in the all reality, logic is the only answer...

Okay.

So you're with this person, and for some reason something doesn't go the way it should. Things between you cease to exist, the flare/spark isn't there anymore, or this person just turns out to be a complete douche that you shouldn't have to deal with. Okay. We've came to the conclusion, that it's over. El fin.

There are many different ways to handle a situation like this. And of course it all depends on who did the dumping in the first place..ugh, who came up with this expression, and why do I use it? Dumping...whatev, anyway...you could sit in your room, hours on end. Sulking about what a bad life you have because you and your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up. You could write a bunch of emo poetry to help you cope. And hell if that's what it takes, do it. But don't do it often.

...Because then you're going to become some recluse who sits in their room all day and writes emo poetry. And NO ONE wants to be that person. No one.

So, lets say you fall into some kind of depression. I hope that you don't. Depression is not cool. Obviously. But honestly, logically.

Everything happens for a reason.

I cannot stress this enough. If you were meant to be with this person for the rest of your life, it would have happened. But for some reason, it didn't. That's that. It's just not meant to be. And you want to know why??

Because you're destined to find someone better. And yes, that someone does exist. Someone who won't treat you horrible. Someone who makes you laugh. Someone who warms your soul. Someone who cares for you, because you're, you.

I know that something like this exists out there. I know it. One of the reasons human beings were put on this earth, was to love one another. Unconditionally. It can happen, I've seen it.

I have yet to experience it. And if you have yet to experience it yourself, then that's okay too.

But you can't experience this kind of love, if you're not open to it. And you can't be open to it, if you're hung up on some ex lover. So move on, and live your life. I promise you won't be sorry.

xoxo,

L