Losing It

I am not shy about the fact that I have never had sex.
And when I imagined having it, it was with someone I liked, in a memorable way.
But, that's not how it happened at all.
On Saturday night, I went to go watch a movie with a boy, at his house.
Halfway through the movie, I decided I didn't really like him.
He kept trying to hold my hand, and that, I thought was weird.
And he kept telling me I was beautiful and that he's surprised their isn't a line of guys to date me.
Whatever.

And then we started to make out, and ya know. I'm a woman, I am not above just using someone for some fun. And then he asked me if I wanted to go into the other room. (Not really, I'm fine on a couch, but whatever) and admist the removal of clothes I kept feeling his penis poking down there, and I would scoot away from it. But it got to the point where I couldn't scoot away anymore. I had my eyes closed and felt something. There. I assumed it was his hand. but then I opened my eyes and realized it wasn't. I'm not sure how it all happend but then he took it out, and I sat up, and he kept telling me he was sorry that he didn't realize...(how do you not realize???) I told him it was fine whatever, then said I needed to go. So I picked up my clothes, and went to the bathroom and got dressed and left. He tried calling me and he texted me. But I didn't want to talk to him. I called my friend, and just cried. I felt so stupid. I still do! I feel stupid for trusting someone, I mean I told him, I didn't want to have sex. Sure it wasn't that day. But when you get a girl that's never done it before, you remember shit like that. Or not, whatever.

So, I have learned

• never take off your panties, they are the last line of defense
• don't close your eyes just becuase you don't want to look at him
• oh, and above all, boys are weird

xo-K

Naked :: & lovin' it.

I know I lack a little in my expirence with members of the male sex. But one thing, that always held me back from really moving to the next level, was my body. I mean, I like it. A lot! But, I know it's not anything like, let's say...Heidi Montag's. (even though her's isn't even real). So, it wasn't until I finally had someone go from watching a movie to undressing me that I really liked it. A lot! Like, I want it, again. And again. And Again. I know not everyone can be comfortable in their own body, like take this weekend, I stayed with a boy, and I was in my naked glory, and he wouldn't take off his shirt :( I just think that if someone is comfortable enough to be naked with you, it wouldn't hurt to try and take it all off for them. Being nude is liberating, it's the one way, to truly show yourself and not hide. It's freeing to lay in bed and feel the breeze over your back. And, It's just nice to lay naked with someone and feel their skin on yours. Give it a try, you just might like it, and want to do it more. Like me!

Some girls have it all

Some girls have all the luck. They have good hair. They can shop at every store in the mall. They have a talent. A real one, like dancing or singing. They have real jobs. They date guys who don't think they have gambling problems. How come every time I meet a guy and it gets kind of good, it just goes down the drain? I always hope that maybe someday well get to be one of those couples you see at parks just laying barefoot in the grass, but I never expect it, and it never happens. So I think I should just stop hoping that someday, someone will wrap their arm around me during a campfire, or kiss me in the fog, or lay in the grass barefoot with me. Because that would be my fairy tale, and fairy tales it seems, just aren't that real. Oh, and ps to all boys-If a girl says she wants to have sex with you, you know one that you've been seeing, don't tell her you want to wait. Just give her the real reason why you don't want to so she can just stop wasting her time. xo-K

What he REALLY means....

Now keep in mind that these are just suggestions, and if you're in a relationship that you feel does not apply to these suggestions...well then good for you. ...When he texts you between the hours of midnight and 6am (this being the only time he texts you): Let's hook up and make waffles. I don't want anything too serious, and don't want you to stay over and cuddle after. ...'You R hot!': I really like the way your body looks and want to see it naked. ...'Youre Beautiful': I think I could see myself with you. ...Wanna come over: Let's ssseeex. ...I had a great time with you tonight, we should go out again sometime soon: He's really into you, but may try to take things too fast, so beware. ...You come here often? : 'Cause I do, and don't want you to spoil my game, by hooking up with you, and potentially seeing you here again. ...Hey Babe/Doll/Sexy: I really don't have that much respect for you, and really just kinda wanna talk a little maybe sexual to you. Maybe. ...When they use one letter/word texts...chances are they're trying to get rid of you. The 'K' text clearly points that out. By not leaving anything left to converse about, they're really just trying to get rid of you. ...When you're talking to a guy about an important subject and you're trying to look him into the eyes, and he gives you an answer and looks away...chances are he's lying to you. I believe this one to 100% true, it hasn't failed me yet. They feel ashamed for lying, and therefore cannot look you in the eyes, so they look away. ...'Dude': You've officially entered the buddy stage. Good luck getting out of that one. ...You're such a good friend: And that's ALL you'll ever be to him. No getting out of that one. ...Any kind of open ended question shows that this guy is potentially interested, and wants to get to know more about you. Which is a good thing. ...When he hugs you and pats you on the back: Good 'ol buddy. I will add more later.

Sugarcoating It.

I really like to read and learn. Since I have a lot of spare time on my hands lately, I have spent a lot of time reading. I like to get books from St. Vincent de Paul's because they are DIRT CHEAP. I got 7 books from there for 3.50. You can't even buy a magazine for 3.50! But I really like to read those Harlequin romances. They are small (I can finish one in a day), the guys on most covers are hot like fire, and the love in the book is something that I want to expirence. I read my first romance when I was a senior in high school, and i thought it was dirty! It wasn't even close to as naughty as one i read this summer, where he put cherries in her and ate them out and licked imported beer off her and put it in her butt...(I think I need to read it again). In the end all the books are the same.

• He rescues her, or she rescues him. Someone is always rescued. No one can just be ok, they need rescuing. So, I need to be rescued in order to find the love of my life.

• One of them is rich. Or has enough money to live comfortably for the rest of their lives. So I guess that the man of my dreams will be rich. I can't wait.

• When they touch each other, like when they first shake hands, bump in an room, whatever, a shock runs through them. More then electricty. So, now I will start to touch every man I see. I will see how that one goes.

• Kissing each other is like nothing they have ever felt before. It's like Miss. K always tells us about the love of her life. I don't even want to go on about this kissing shit.

• He always is tall/dark/handsome/mysterious/built. Always. She is pretty much always thin, blonde, with average size boobs. Oh well, no romance for me I guess.

Well, as much as I love reading romances they make me feel a little empty inside. They never fight. They think about each other all the time. And the worst part is that all though the men are totally boneable, they aren't real. I know that I will not marry any man that women envy, and I am cool with that! Why can't they write a real one! One more thing, I think Lil' Wayne should always wear a shirt. I can see his ribs. NOT HOT.

Do I Have To Spell It Out?!

Mrs. Icka was sitting around one night talking to all her MSN Buddies, and she has a friend that lives in Illinois and he is single and lonely. And she has me, a friend that lives in Wisconsin who is single and bored. And she thought...and then a light buld came on and she said "Kendall should hook up with Matt!" well then she gave me his phone number, and msn add and told me to have fun. Well....He doesn't TALK. And I like to firty talk and such, and last night I sent him a text saying..."Straight Up, I like to dirty text and send naughty pics. You dig?" well....no reply. So I have come to the assumption that he doesn't dig it. And I was like "damn, cuz if he likes Mrs. Icka he would def. like me!" Hello! I Spell it out and every other dude would be like..."HELLZ YEAH!" but not this one. WEIRD! So, I have come to the conclusion that if you have to spell it out, he obvoisly isn't worth the waste of time it took to try and get to your point. xo k