Clubin' with the Ladies

This weekend, I went out with a few ladies that I love, Lacey, Miss Mal, and Chelsea. I have realized that when you do this, you should probably have a few ground rules to ensure that you aren't waking up decapitated in a ditch somewhere.

1. Always have a buddy. Just like in kindergarden, hold your buddies hand when you move. Your buddy is there to ensure that you don't get lost, don't get on unattractive men, don't get sick, and that you are ok! you in turn make sure your buddy is having fun and keep her from getting on unattractive men and from unattractive men from getting on you. To ensure that when a guy comes up behind and grinds on you, you aren't going to turn around and check him out, so your buddy will check him out for you and give you the go ahead. We use hand signals. A ear pull means he's good, a nose wipe means he's gross. If your buddy can not get away from a gross guy, HELP HER! pretend to be her girlfriend, or whatever it takes!
2. Don't drag your purse with you to a club. Have pockets or bra space to keep these necessaries you; an ID-to get into clubs and bars (duh), you phone-in case of an emergency and to text cute boys with, Cash-to pay for your drinks with at first. If you talk to an old guy, chances are he'll buy your next drink. Debit Card-for more cash if you need it, and to pay for your late night Mac attack and taxi ride home.
3. Dress cute, but look approachable. We like V-neck tee shirts they say "here are my boobs, but I don't really wanna dress like that hooker over there." you can always have your jewelry and hair say what a total rock star you are.
4. Shoes. These should be worn at all times. Wear some heels, they make you taller and stand up straighter in them. Don't wear some 5 inch clear plastic stiletto. you want something that you can move in not just stand there in, or worse, can't even stand in. In the summer flip flops and flats are good, just feel good!
5. Smile! you can be suprised what good smiling at strangers can do. I can't lie when my buddy was moving us around the club, I kept smiling at every cute boy I saw and I even winked at some, or maybe I was blinking, lmoa. but it worked good cuz I talked to a boy, until my buddy told me that he was old. haha.
6. Don't ever except a drink from a stranger. EVER. you have no clue what someone has put in that drink. If someone wants to buy you a drink go to the bar with them! I can't stress that enough.
7. HAVE FUN! what's the point if you aren't there to have fun!?!

xo-K

the pick up

What is the one line that made you fall for the last guy you liked/dated? or what did he say that kept you talking to him? Usually if they say something about my boobs and seem likeable I will keep talking to them. Otherwise I come back with a snotty comment that makes me seem like one tough cookie and they wise up and realize that I could probally kick their ass if I wanted to.

So, how does a girl pick a guy up? I have 3 different approaches, The Normal Way, The Funny Way, and The Dirty Way.

The Normal Way

Buy him a drink. Give him a compliment. Ask him about himself. If he seems cool, swap numbers. Text him when you feel comfortable to.

So the discussion should go like this

You- Is this seat taken?

Him- Nope.

You- Ok, thanks! Hey what are you drinking? It looks good.

Him-

You- Great, would you like another on me?

Him- Thanks man, I'm

You- No problem, I'm , Hey

Him- Thanks.

You- So, where are you from? (well that might not be the best, but here in the Dells everyone in on vacay so it kind of goes with the area) or What do you think of this band?

and then you would say....omg, your biceps are huge! kiss me, then he would kiss you! lol.

The Funny Way

So the funny way is all those cheesy pickup lines that you giggled at in high school. ya know...

Is that a mirror in your pants? Becuase I can see myself in them.

Do you wash your pants with windex? Becuase I can see myself in them.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you.

Can I borrow a quarter? (why) so I can call your mom and thank him.

Hello, I am a theif and I am here to steal your heart.

Want to see my stamp collection?

or you can use pretty much anyway that makes you laugh. this is the kind of line to be used on chill guys. not the kind that spike their hair and tan.

The Dirty Way

So, this is when you want a peice of ass, and are willing to seem like a whore to get it.

Wanna see the backseat of my car?

So, I hear you have a penis.

I'm easy. Are you?

Here is 10 bucks, drink until I'm smokin' then come find me.

Excuse me, do you like orally stimulated orgasm?

So, what is your going rate?

I want you. Inside me.

Use all wisely. and always have safe sex. Safe sex is the best sex, you don't wanna have to send that, 'I think I'm late text.', so wear a latex.