HTB Part 2

This is a sequel to my other blog about HTB (hot topic boy). I prefer not to use real names, just incase. I guess I should probably start where the last one left off... The end of January. Well, i had thought for sure that HTB didn't like me more than a friend. I had dropped all the hints that i was really interested in him, and got no response. Well a few weeks later, I decided to go out to the bar with my friend Kendall, and we went out in the town he lives in. So we met at his place and went out. Blah blah blah. It was an awesome time. Well Kendall wrote a blog about this night (archived in Feb) and how he was saying that he thought i was cool, and asked if I had any boys. So...then i assumed that he maybe did like me? Grrr. A few weeks go by. Nothing. We just texted back and forth. Casual flirting. I would meet up with him every once in a while and get lunch. Nothing too serious. But I still couldn't get over this dude. He was just stuck in my head, pretty much every day. It's so hard knowing that you like someone, and not knowing for sure how they feel about you. I wanted to tell him everything, but was afraid of being rejected. Rejection is not a cool thing. So here come the part where the story gets interesting.... I start dating someone else. So as i write this part, i continue to ask myself, why i didnt tell him directly that i liked him (htb). Anyway...so i guess i gave up, i got so frustrated that i started dating someone else. As i've mentioned before, i'm the least patient person ever. i jump to conclusions that i shouldnt....But I still really really thought HTB was so amazing and awesome, so I couldnt stop talking to him. So i didn't. I didn't tell him that i was seeing someone else, cause i guess i didn't think it mattered. I didn't think he would ever like me. Okay so a couple months go by, and we hang out again. Another amazing time. Idk how to explain how happy he makes me feel whenever i'm with him. I can't stop smiling. He gives me the biggest butterflies everytime i even think i'm going to see him, and i just feel like i connect with him somehow. He's just overall, the coolest guy i've ever met.... So, i have a few too many drinks one night and decide to tell him how i feel about him. I tell him pretty much everything i've ever written about him: how awesome i think he is, how much i like him, and how i would totally not move to minnesota for him. He says, we should talk about this when youre not drinking. Okay cool. We get lunch the next day.... At lunch, he tells me that he likes me too. And wishes that we would have told eachother sooner. Because he just decided about a week and a half ago, that he's moving to LA. He has nothing holding him back in wisconsin. awesome. I mean no biggie. I've only been trying to get with this guy since, oh, last September. but whatever. I'm not bitter. Okay i am bitter. I'm frustrated, and making a big deal out of it. Guys are dense. Unless you tell them directly to their face how you feel about them, they'll never ever know. Or choose not to care. I wish i could change the past, but i can't. living life without regret is hard to do. fate sucks sometimes. So what to do? Well, im not sure at the moment. There isn't too much i can do i guess. he leaves soon, and he's going to find way cooler chicks in LA. He says he's not looking, and that's fine. i believe him. i mean it doesn't matter...but what girl in their right mind wouldn't go for him? he's 'the package deal' or whatever that saying is. ha ha. As of 8pm tonight, i'm currently single. and i'm going to stay that way for a long time. boys are complicated. almost too complicated for me. I could give this dude my all, everything. but i guess friendship will have to work for me. for now. who knows what will happen in the future... So the lesson to get out of reading this: If you find someone that you absolutely like, then you need to go after him. Don't be afraid of rejection. You're going to be rejected your whole life, oh well. Get over it. I think I would rather be rejected than not know at all. I'd rather try, than watch him walk away. Don't be a sally. Boys don't approach girls anymore. You have to be the one to chase them. The world doesn't work in the old fashioned ways anymore. Ugh. Learn from my mistakes. xo L